i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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