I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My hand turned me down
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
