I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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