halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
