Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
