I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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