Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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