I heard we made out
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize