i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
