I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
