she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
