At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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