eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
