if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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