Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
