I'm lost and stupid without you.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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