I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
