OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
