So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
