I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
