Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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