I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
