Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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