i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
