i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
