After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize