Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
