I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
