wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
