just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
