My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
