highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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