i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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