if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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