could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He better not be in your backpack
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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