The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
