Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
