just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
