Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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