There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
