Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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