She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
