At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
we should paint friendship bongs
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
