i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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