I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
pop tarts are not kleenex
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
