Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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