There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
