so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
