I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
