I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
