At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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