I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
