her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
