GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
