You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
