Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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