Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
