you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
