Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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