and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
