I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
