You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
