The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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